Auditors and Accountants – Humor

The weekend is starting and here are some jokes that I found on auditors and accountants. Hope you enjoy them.

1.  What did the auditor say at the vampire stock take?  Count Dracula

2.   Did you hear about the cannibal Audit practice? They charge an arm and a leg.

3.  What do cannibal auditors do after their Office Christmas Dinner ? Toast their clients

4.   If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, what does she say? “Darling, could you tell me about your work”

5.  A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6 2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.

6.  A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.” The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”

7.    A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work. After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation. His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message: “Debits in the column towards the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window.”

Have a great weekend and hope it refreshes you for Monday’s work and meetings. 🙂


1. The Alternative Accountant.

2.  Funny Jokes

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