A man smashed a crowbar on a woman’s head. Her skull split and she died on the spot. Who was the violent predator? Her husband, the man who had vowed to love, cherish and honor her. What did she do wrong? She insisted on doing Masters in Technology while the husband was just a Bachelor in Electronics. The man, a lecturer in college, purportedly respects education.
Violence is the biggest risk in the world. Death and destruction destroys the life not only of the individual but the whole family. Mahatma Gandhi said “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth will make the whole world blind and toothless.” However, non-violence is freaking difficult path to follow when others are hurting and harming us. So leaders proclaim, non-violence is outdated, it isn’t a solution for every problem, some situations require violent action. Violent behavior just sounds an easier option, till our life is scorched by it.
1. Disrespect – The Source of Violence
Source of all violence is disrespect for the other. Treating a person as inferior, a slave or an object, are all ways to dehumanize a person. Disrespect arises from discrimination. To give a person an unfair treatment based on their age, gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, culture, or color results in disrespecting the person. Disrespect gets reflected in unconscious biases, verbal communication, social inclusion in groups, active harm, and physical violence.
The life of the victim becomes like a man walking barefoot in a desert – the sand burns the soles of his feet, the hot wind drains his life’s vital fluids, blood drops flow from his eyes. With no way to quench his thirst or get respite in shade, anger erupts like a volcano. To find balm for his hurts and destruction of his life, he dedicates his life to revenge. Now the vicious cycle of violence can’t be broken.
2. Our Leaders Perpetuate Violence
Unfortunately, our leaders have taught us violence. During the world wars, the four prominent leaders – Hitler, Stalin, Churchill and Roosevelt, all had blood on their hands. Hitler killed Jews, Stalin directed murder of over two million people, and the other two allies ordered atomic bombing in Japan. In contrast, Gandhi, well versed in western culture and politics, pursued non-violence to gain independence. Having the courage to fight for rights under the circumstances, and believing in the goodness of humanity, was an incredible feat. A lessor man would have keeled.
Remarkably, despite knowing the horrors of war, human race hasn’t learnt much. In the last decade itself, United States, the super power has sanctioned over 30 military operations in other countries. In 2000, as per the World Health Organization over 1.6 million people died violently. Now the numbers must have increased. This is the world man has created. Since most leaders are male, this warring and violent nature can be attributed to masculine gender. Funnily, they are proud of it.
3. Humans Learn Violent Behaviour
A child sees violence at home when parents or siblings fight, or when the parents physically harm the child to punish and teach lessons. Besides physical violence, the verbal heated disputes create disharmony in the little soul. Then, the school bullies are like birds sitting on a high wire, looking for a passer-by to poop on. By the time a child reaches the age of 15 years, he has seen 15000 murders on television. Is it surprising then, that kids are carrying weapons to school and shooting their classmates.
When adults indulge in violence, they have various excuses, blame games and explanations. Justifications are sought based on cultural habits, status in society or philosopher’s views. For example, Ayan Rand’s ideas allegedly support egotism, selfishness and self-centeredness. People use it as an excuse for harming others. In her book – Fountainhead, Howard Roark, the hero propagating the thought of living life on one’s own terms and working for the passion of creating something new and original, does not harm anyone, conduct any crime, or do unethical activity. He is the only one whose actions are clean and above board. Philosophers do not prescribe crime or give permission to conduct crime. Readers interpret different meanings depending on what suits their thought process and purpose in life.
4. Choose Non-violence in Life
Humans can respond to negativity in their life in four ways. If water is the environment, then a person can behave like salt, sponge, iron, or sugar. That is, person’s personality can dissolve, absorb, toughen up with negativity, or spread positivity. When fighting a monster, a person has the choice of becoming a dragon of destruction or an angel of mercy. The strength of a person’s moral character determines the reaction to negativity.
Reasoning that one has not harmed another physically is not enough. Words sometimes cut sharper than a sword. Continuous verbal abuse can break a person, depress them, and make them suicidal. Five minutes of compassion and empathy bring more happiness than earning a thousand bucks. Hence, focusing on learning non-violent communication is the key to a better world. It will stop a verbal dispute escalating into a conflict and then war.
Marshall Rosenberg generously shared his three-hour training session on non-violent communication. Check it out, it is practical with a lot of sound advice and will make you laugh at human follies.